I just got cheated on, and I'm ok

Tonight I found out that the guy I’ve been seeing for a few months was cheating on me and lying about it the entire time we were together.

I’d really started to fall in love with him. A little too fast maybe, but love makes you stupid. From the moment I met him, being with him made me so happy. I don’t think I’ve ever been as openly myself from the get-go, I’m not sure I’ve ever laughed quite so much and quite so deeply. We moved in the same ways. It was easy to fall in love with his handsomeness, his old-fashioned charm, the mixture of electricity and familiarity that I felt when he touched me. His eyes were the kindest eyes I’d ever seen. I trusted him wholly.

I’ve never so directly caught someone cheating (though I’m pretty sure I’ve been cheated on before), and I’ve always thought that if I got cheated on, I’d be devastated. It’s the ultimate betrayal. Promising someone monogamy, then being with someone else, and then coming back to the person who’s giving you their heart and their body and making love to them and looking them in the eyes and knowing you were with someone else… how is that even humanly possible.

[Ready to feel good in your body and grow self love? I’ll teach you how]

So, why do I feel ok?

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m shook. Wali is older than I usually date. He’s more mature. More patient. There were definitely red flags, I consistently felt uneasy and distrustful, but I wrote it off as being hurt by someone else and told myself to be patient with this one. This one is different, my heart said, even as my brain said mm something’s not adding up. I definitely didn’t expect that he was going out with multiple other women, that there were text messages from just last week of him flirting and meeting up. Texts on texts. Some women were saved in his phone, others weren’t. And he handed me his phone willingly, like there’d be nothing there that didn’t make sense, that he couldn’t explain away. Like.. at a pathological level.

So, that. That is why I feel ok.

It’s so extreme and so clear that this has nothing to do with me.

The entire time, I told him, you’re just out of a relationship, if you want to be single please be single, but just be honest. I’ve been in many different types of relationships, many different scenarios. There’s a lot that I’m ok with, but dishonesty is not one of those things. And the truth is that there’s never a reason for dishonesty. There’s never a time when you should choose to lie. Because lies hurt. Because lies break down people, they break down relationships. There’s no coming back from lies. Even if a guy wants to date multiple women, I’m ok with that, as long as he’s honest. If everyone knows and they still choose to date him, they are making an informed decision. They are in control of their circumstances. But to cheat and lie about it? At that point you are disrespecting everyone’s freedom of choice. He lied to me and he also lied to the women who he went on dates with, who thought they were meeting a single, available man. I bet they were hoping to fall in love with him too.'

[Ready to feel good in your body and grow self love? I’ll teach you how]

To be honest I’m not even mad. I don’t wish him bad things. In fact, I wish him good. I wish him clarity and self-love, enough to stop using other people. Because anyone who is able to emotionally disassociate enough to cheat and lie, they are not a healthy person. They are not happy. They don’t respect others because they can’t respect themselves.

So yes, he hurt me emotionally. Yes, he put me in physical danger by sleeping around.

But the only thing that I’m truly sad about? It’s that the man that I fell in love with doesn’t actually exist. I hope to someday find that man again, but for real this time. For real and for ever.

So girlfriend.. don’t take it personally if a man cheats on you. I promise, it’s not you. It’s never you. And that’s not a man you want in your life. Choose a man who will protect your heart, not add pain to it.

Love always xx

[Ready to feel good in your body and grow self love? I’ll teach you how]